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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon
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March 2014
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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon [userpic]
Concord Transportation Comedy Central Presents: Lily!

*waits for applause*

*crickets chirp*

Cast of Characters:
Me: well, me.
Lily: Dispatcher for Concord

Definitions for those lucky people who do not work in brokerage:
Shipment control number (SCN): One of the numbers with which a shipment is registered with Customs

Bill of Lading number: Actually, pretty self explanatory. Its the number which identifies a particular bill of lading.

Commerical invoice number: Also pretty self explanatory. It's the identifying number of a commerical invoice.

12:15 AM and I’m finishing up with a couple of reports. Heck, it’s not even worth clocking the time, right?

The phone rings. I try to ignore it.

Really. I do.

But… Alisha is sleeping the sleep of the just, or at least the sleep of the fairly reasonable, and deserves to keep doing it.

Yes, I already know I’m going to regret this, but… I’m trying, but my hand just kind of goes out without me getting much of a say in the matter.

Up comes that black handset and there goes my voice, even as my brain is screaming What’s wrong with you? Are you a masochist or something?

Why, yes. Yes, I certainly seem to be.

It’s Lily.

Well, at least it’s not about a Nortel. Unless Nortel’s two remaining brain cells have gotten together in a mutual suicide pact and in the resulting IQ vacuum they’ve started using Concord.

Lily: How come this [censored] entry isn’t clear? CDTT blah blah blah. Adela sent it hours ago. You did the other one.

Me: *thinking* Did someone start this conversation without me, or what?

Me: I’ve only seen one tonight, Lily.

Me: *digs out Concord cover sheet, you know, the ones they continually re-use for every invoice set on a given day*

Me: *looks it over* *stares*
Me: Um, Lily, the only other invoice on here was supposed to cross at 3:00 PM…

Lily: Why isn’t it done?

Me: *looks up* What is that strange noise?

Me: *thinking* Why the hell wasn’t it caught when your driver theoretically was supposed to cross at 3? Oh, wait, silly of me to think your ETAs are actually, oh, true.

Me: *aloud* I have no idea, but it wasn’t it supposed to cross at 3? ‘Cause it strikes me as strange it was supposed to cross nine hours ago and you’ve only just noticed this problem.

Lily: Well, its CDTT blah bla-

Me: *jumps a little in the chair* There’s that noise again! It sounds like… like… wind?

Me: Lily, it’s fifteen minutes past close, I’m not logged in. Give me a minute will you?

Me: *logs in* What’s the SCN?

Lily: CDTT blah blah blah

Me: Well, it isn’t in the system. Let’s check the commercial invoice number.

Lily: What’s that? Oh, you mean the invoice number?

Me: *headdesk, but quietly* Yes.

Lily: blah blarg blurf

Me: Nope. Still not there. Bill of Lading number?

Lily: What’s that?

Lily: And I still don’t understand why the one I sent later is done and this one isn’t.

Me: *why isn’t the desk getting any softer? My head is beginning to hurt from whacking it*

Me: I only got one invoice, Lily.
Me: Now look on line two… find the number that starts with an 8.

Lily: blarg blah blave

Me: Huh. As far as I can tell, it wasn’t ever faxed. I know I haven’t seen it.

Lily: But… I have a cover sheet! I have a cover sheet!

Me: Yes, I know. You re-use them. This is how I know that it was supposed to cross at 3 this afternoon.

Lily: But you cleared the other one! How come you did that one and not this one?

Me: *understanding dawns* There’s that noise again! That whistling noise I’m hearing is the point zinging through ear and hitting escape velocity on the other side of her head. Amazing. The fact it broke the sound barrier must explain why she can’t seem to understand anything I say… She’s been deafened by the sonic boom.

Me: Maybe because I got the other invoice and haven’t seen this one?

Lily: Then why do I have a cover sheet?

Me: *thinking* Do you really want me to answer that question? You won’t like the response.

Me: *aloud* Dunno. But I’m reasonably certain that the invoice in question was never faxed.

Lily: Should I fax it now? Can you receive it?

Me: *thinking* Because I totally forward the office phone to my house at night, right?
Me: *aloud* I’m in the office. Go ahead.

Lily: Do it and fax me the cover sheet. I want to go home.

Me: *stares at phone* Right. I’ll get right on that.

*hangs up*

‘Cause, I’m not here late, or anything. Really.

And for her Encore, Monday night:

Scene: Me, a cover sheet that tells me I'm supposed to have three distinct invoice sets, and three invoice sets where one of these things is exactly like another.

Me: *stares at cover sheet*
Me: *stares at invoices*
Me: *dials up Concord*

Lily: Thank you for calling Concord Transportation!

Me: *thinking* You should be thanking me. I'd really rather pull my toenails out than talk to you... No, actually I'd rather be pulling your toenails out and I'm generally not a violent person.

Me: *aloud* Hi Lily. You've sent me the invoice for CDTT blah blah blah twice. I need the invoice for CDTT blah blarg blarf.

Lily: Really?

Me: Yes.

Lily: Are you sure?

Me: Yes, Lily. I checked because I totally knew you were going to say that. Is "Really? Are you sure?" part of a script you read from, or what?

Lily: I was just doing those, they're all the same!

Me: Huh? Lily, I just need the invoice for CDTT blah blarg blarf.

Lily: I don't see why. They all weigh the same!

Me: ... ... ...

Me: Uh, Lily, that doesn't mean all of the other values are the same.

Lily: ...oh.

*silence regins for a couple of seconds*

Lily: I guess I'll fax that to you.

Me: You do that Thank you.

Best part? Not only were there differences in part numbers and values... the requested invoice wasn't even going to the same place.

Customs would have been UNAMUSED by Concord's headliner.

Fortunately for me, I laugh easily.

Current Mood: amusedamused