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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon
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March 2014
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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon [userpic]
On the Nature of Love

I think love is a gift, from one person to another. It is a gift that grows in wealth and beauty when it is returned. It is a living thing, that grows when nourished and starves when neglected.

Love is not about worth, because love is unconditional.

Love with conditions is not love, it is a twisted, mutant reflection that has more to do with one person having power and control over another person's vulnerabilities.

Everyone is worthy of being loved. Even murderers and rapists and molesters. With only rare exception is someone so evil I'd consider them unworthy of being loved by someone.

The shame of it is that many people are unable to give the gift of love freely. Sadder still are those who cannot accept it, because they believe themselves unworthy of it, for whatever reason.

Love is love. It is the most powerful emotion that exists, encompassing hope and joy and pain and sorrow. Love just exists, regardless of an individual's personal worth however that may be calculated.

Love, if it really is love, is not blind.

I believe love to be unconditional, I don't think it's blind. If you don't know the person you love, then who is it that you love? If you love a skewed perception of someone, can you honestly say you love them or just your idea of them? One of the reasons love needs work is because perception often differs from reality by some degree and you have to adjust your internal models until they match, and the love you bear should grow richer and deeper.

I loved my step-father, despite his alcoholism and attendant problems. I loved him even when he stole from me and my mother, when he withheld affection, when he was angry and verbally abusive. I loved him, despite the faults. I was not, however, blind to them. If I had just blithely ignored that trait of his I would have been far more hurt when he took money, instead of just disappointed and saddened.

I love my mother, who is not perfect. She can be overly critical and occasionally profoundly unfair. On the whole she's one of the most generous people I have ever known, giving of her time and emotions to people who could not appreciate the gift she was giving. This hurts her, but doesn't stop her from trying. I love her, faults and all.

Far better that I love with my eyes open, acknowledging faults than blindly worship an image of what someone is supposed to be. If I love the person built in my mind, I'm probably having a little difficulty giving the gift of love to the person in the real world.

If you love me you should trust me?

I once had the oddest argument with a friend regarding love and trust. It's such a common issue in romance novels, bandied about lightly with sparkly resolutions at the end.

"If you love someone you should trust them," she said.

I replied with, "I don't leave my purse where Dad can get to it. I love him."

She didn't have much to say about that.

Trust is something that may be given on the first go-round, but ultimately is something that is earned through actions and through knowledge.

As I said before, love should not be blind -- the giver should be aware all traits a person has, good or bad. If you love an honorable person, then you should trust them because you know them to be honorable. If they're not... well, as I said, trust is independent of love.

I've always thought that instead of "If you love me then you'd trust me," it should be "If you love me and not some random ideal in your head then you'd trust me because you know me."

Like love, forgiveness is a gift, freely given.

While I don't believe every wrong-doer is worthy of forgiveness, every victim is worthy of granting it and embracing the freedom it brings.

Like love, I don't think that forgiveness can (or should) be given blindly. Forgiving someone is not forgetting. Nor should it be. Forgiving trespasses does not mean leaving yourself unprepared for the next one.

Love does not guarantee forgiveness, though it might spark it.

Love is a kind of grace.

This rant brought to you because sarahtheboring unintentionally saddened me due to her views on worth and love. I think her ex is, as one of my co-workers would so eloquently put it, a fucktard.


Nice essay. Very good points.