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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon
vasaris
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March 2014
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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon [userpic]
WTF? I dun get it.

The situation is bad enough, but if you honestly think that it doesn't reek of entitlement those are some shiny rose-colored goggles.

The basic situation is: Daughter calls mother to ask for her late father's wedding band to use in her upcoming wedding. This is kind of sweet, right? She wants to use her father's ring to give her new husband as some kind of continuance/heirloom. That's cool -- you don't usually see that in the men's rings.

Except, no -- she calls mom to say 'Mom, I want to melt my father's ring down to have material components for my fiance's ring.'

Apparently the fact that Mom has continued on with life and has since re-married, she should have no problem with this. Except -- no, not so much. Yes, she's moved on, but she keeps both his ring and the wedding set she wore when married to him as part of the few mementos of that life. It doesn't matter if they live in a box, or sit out in her jewelry case, or if they have a creepy shrine somewhere -- she's holding on to them as part of her memories. This woman was understandably shocked by the very idea of melting down her first husband's ring in order to forge a new one.

On the whole the reaction of the comm was on the 'OMG WTF?' scale, but there's a couple of 'Well, it's not like she didn't go out and get a new husband' and 'I don't see how it's entitled to ask to destroy something that belongs to someone else. I mean, did the LW explain that she's distressed by the idea of destroying it?'

Okay, really? Does she have to explain being disturbed by destroying it. Really? If someone said to me 'vasaris, your mom has been dead for five years. I think we should take that masterpiece quilt she made apart for the scrap fabric and beads.' I'd be really, really horrified.

The ring was presumably important to the LWs husband and is important to her even if she doesn't worship it on a daily basis. I cannot conceive of going 'gee, she's only asking for something you're not using anyway, why get so shirty about it?'

Add the bit where the daughter also went 'Oh, and you're leaving me your first wedding ring set in you will, right' doesn't really give the 'I want these things as mementos of you when you're gone' vibe. It gives the 'I don't care about you, I care about your valuables' vibe.

Current Mood: nauseatedhorrified
Comments
(no subject) - (Anonymous)

It just makes my head hurt. If she was asking to use it intact for the sentimental value of it I'd think a refusal to allow it petty and sad. But to destroy it? *brainsplode*

Also, I would like to find your relative and smack them with a clue bat. That's horrible.

So glad you agree with me on this one! I don't understand why people don't realize how horrible it would be to have something with such sentimental value melted down.

Yeah. And to go 'Well has she explained why it bothers her?'

Why should she have to? The question is kind of awful, how does one not recognize that? *shakes head*

o.0
There are no words for my feelings beyond disgust and horror.