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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon
vasaris
.:: ..::. .::..:...... .::

March 2014
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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon [userpic]
...boggled isn't even the right word...

Dear Customs:

I have an issue with your Automated Commerical Environment. Okay, I have several issues with how you have the universe programmed in general, but tonight I have a bone to pick with you about ACE.

You require that all common carriers -- Air, Ocean, Land -- coming to our ports file what is known as an E-manifest: a digital transmission of what is being carried by a vessle approaching our borders, with -- or without -- the intent to unlade it's cargo here.

You require that every single shipment be identified by a series of (mostly) unique identifiers (at least two, sometimes more) and you keep track of said (mostly) unique identifiers(1).

Is it that much to ask that when someone foolishly believes that enough time has passed that they can start re-using old identifiers, that your vaunted Automated Commercial Environment hit the warning buzzer and, oh, return with a "You're an idiot" message? Or even one that goes "Bzuh? Wha? I don't think you meant that."

But, no. You wait until the carrier has arrived at the port (which, I suppose might be less of an issue at air/ocean ports where stuff sometimes sits a while... but at the truck crossings? Death I tell you, DEATH!) to say:

"By the way, old son, it's Excrutiatingly Unpleasant Surprise day. I do so hope you missed the memo, as that would take all the pleasure out of this for us. You your dispatcher, client, e-manifest people, or someone is are an utter moron have chosen to submit a Unique Identifier that was -- *titter* -- used on an entry a few years ago, but has not yet aged out of our system. I hope you're ready for the immediate insertion of random medical devices into the orificies of our choice, along with the contents of... *crackle*crackle*radio static and dire murmurings*crackle* an assortment of unidentified chemical solutions we confiscated from another individual six months ago. I'm sure they've aged quite nicely and are ready for duty." *SNAP* *SNAP* *WRIGGLE* *WRIGGLE* "I love the sound of latex before midnight, what about you?"

Absolutely no love for ACE (and a punch in the face to the morons who, I am convinced, were of the "We want something that does something kind of like this" to the programmers. Also, no one should be allowed to program for Customs without at least three months experience in what Customs brokerage and international trade actually fracking is and how it works. I'm years out of practice, but three weeks of doing entries was enough to make it obvious that the developers of our software have no direct idea of what the business is about, and that the people explaining it to them were about as imprecise as humanly possible.)

-- Me

Dear Nice Cookie People:

*NOM*NOM*NOM* U's makz gud cookies. *NOM*NOM*NOM*

Wif all that said to Customs, plz 2 xplane Y u dids dis aginz? 'Cuz me waz SO SHUR u'd nevrnevr 4k it up aginz afta de lass timez u re-uzeded a unik ID.

*NOM* Ouch! *lookz aht mpty paws wif teh nomed-on tips* *sad face* No more noms. No more noms cuz ur driver hadz to goes bak 2 Candandada. Cuz u dids dis aginz. Whut iz u's? Lobomonomized?

-- I, wishin' 4 noms, cuz NOMS!

(1) In fairness, Shipment Control Numbers supposedly can eventually be re-used, but you have to wait for them to age off. This takes longer than 2 years.

Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
Comments

i feel your pain.

we're changing imaging and billing systems at the moment. did i mention that this week was "month end" and all the billing people across the northern border are ripping their hair out? i had to STAY HOME from work for a day and a half because i was having a depressive episode (thank you pregnancy hormones and my klonopin being forbidden during pregnancy) because everyone was so frenetic that they were giving me panic attacks.

then again, i also have pretty much the only user id and computer on the entire northern border that works at the moment. :)