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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon
vasaris
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March 2014
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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon [userpic]
Random thought while reading about an autism issue on CF_Debate

Sometimes, knowing there's a reason for violent behaviors of any sort doesn't really make them any less violent behaviors, or make the victims any less victims. One of the cf_debate members was describing the behavior of an autistic family member who reacts with violence given certain stimuli and the fact it's hard to get support because the response is "he's autistic, he cant help it."

It makes me wonder if she feels the same frustration I do when discussing a certain demon-child my mother fostered for about 18 months. A child that several people in the neigborhood liked and cared deeply for and I sincerely and unashamedly -- well, maybe not unashamedly -- hate.

A child that people stare at me and go "Well, she had issues, vasaris, you can't hate her for her behaviors, they're not her fault. She just wanted help, she just wanted love."

I get tired of defending my negative reactions to her name, and my very learned behavior of despising the little bitch. I'm not sorry.

She physically assaulted my disabled mother, numerous times. Hitting, throwing heavy objects into her back (which laid mom up for a week from the pain), deliberately drove an electric cart into mom's leg -- repeatedly, although why the hell mom gave her more than one opportunity for this I have no idea, and other incidents too numerous to count. The emotional abuse was non-stop, the "I hate you!"'s and "You're mean!" and "You're horrible!"'s and other things I wasn't privy to -- all inflicted on a woman who entered the foster-care thing because she sincerely wanted to help, wanted to give of herself to benefit others.

Having a reason for being angry, having an excuse for a behavior doesn't make it anything less than what it is. It may limit criminal culpability (and I'm mostly fine with that) but... well, it made me think about She-who-I-generally-Don't-Name and knowing and accepting that there are legitimate reasons doesn't make a crime (or what feels like a crime) anything less thant what it is. It just makes it harder for the victims to get help. (I won't even go into my rage over mom begging -- begging -- the little wench's caseworker and psychologist for help/ideas/training/etc and being told "But you're doing such a great job! Don't worry about it!")

Current Location: home
Current Mood: aggravatedfaintly irritated, even now
Current Music: You'll be in my heart, Phil Collins
Comments

*hugs* That's terrible. Someone like that needs to be put away - into counseling, an institution, or something and anyone who denies that is enabling that sort of behavior to continue, to society's detriment and to the detriment of the person themself.

And the people criticising you are a bunch of damn hypocrites; if those sorts of things happened to someone they loved, they'd be the first out there with pitchforks.

It is not wrong or inhuman to be bothered by someone who can't follow the most basic of social conventions. Knowing the cause for something means that we can take more appropriate action - getting that person therapy rather than jail time, for example.

I had a few kids like that when we were in foster care. One child tried to molest my 5 year old daughter because his prostitute mom let him watch her with her customers. Now I know the boy only 6 at the time didn't know better, and thought it was normal behaviour, but I had to protect my daughter, so he left that day.

That child had problems yes, not his fault, but he needed to be somewhere that he could not harm other children. A foster home with no children but him.

A very good therapist once told me, we all have problems in life and they are hard to deal with if not impossible at times but that *does not* give you the right to hurt another person because you have problems yourself.

I look at it like this. My step father came from a home where he was abused. He would beat my brothers with a belt on a regular basis saying that was the way he was raised. I did not hit my daughters and my brother did not hit his children. There was no excuse in my book to continue the cycle of abuse. People can learn to be better human beings.

To say well so and so has a problem so they get a pass at being a decent human being to others is just plain absurd. If we went by that logic everyone could probably find a reason to beat their children, kick a dog after a hard day, or even justify murder(as per the "Twinkie" defense).

If this person is a threat to him/herself or society then they should be somewhere that keeps them and others safe. JMHO.

Christina