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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon
vasaris
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March 2014
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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon [userpic]
Just what the hell is wrong with people?

Last year it was the previous Prudence saying that if you're childfree and want your own home to be a safe haven from kids you're an evil bitch who needs therapy.

Today it's the new Prudence saying that if your parents want you to have children with your new spouse, you owe to them! Don't do what you've apparently discussed in depth and considered from as many angles as possible! Breed! The people who love you want you to!.

What the hell?

It just goes to show that frankly, people tend to put a hell of a lot more thought into not having kids than having them. No Child of Mine has perfectly decent reasoning: They're in their 30s, which puts them at around 50 (assuming she gets pregnant right away) when their child would graduate high school and in their early to mid 50's when said child graduates college, assuming they successfully graduate in 4 years... they don't want that.

"Oh, but if you have them now, you'll be done before you're sixty!"

Exactly how is this convincing? With luck and decent retirement options I'll be done with work by then too. WTF?

"Your parents never dreamed of you getting married and not having kids!"

This is relevant... how, exactly? Last I checked, we weren't selling our daughters to be broodmares (not to mention making a nice profit) anymore.

"Marriage is a time to reexamine your goals!"

Bzuh?

"The people who love you want you to do it, so it's worth considering!"

Ummmm. I've considered it and... no. Oh, wait, apparently in this context "considering" means "go forth and multiply!" 2x2=4, 4x4=16, 16x16=256... oh, wait, that's squaring I get it! Only, I don't.

"I know I'm offending people!"

Ya got that right, bint. Way to scent the entire thing with self-righteousness and reveal that you believe that the petitioner can't possibly have considered more facets than she wanted to put in her letter to you, just boiling everything down to a tasty childfree broth after all, it's well known babies are best served on toast.

I just don't get it: ask for advice on how to politely say "I'm childfree" and not get flak, and get flak. Gotta love it.

Only, not.

Comments

Hey Kiddo, How ya doing?

I had my daughters at the ages of 21, 23 and 32. I babysat as a teen, I raised my own and almost 40 foster children in and out of our home over 7 years, and I did day care in my home for almost 3 years.

I dearly loved children, still do. Larry and I wanted a full dozen but it wasn't meant to be. My daughters were very well behaved, disciplined and a joy. My foster children were taught to behave and we could take them anywhere. But, I couldn't do that anymore.I don't have the health or patience for it anymore.

I have two grandchildren that are the most well behaved, intelligent children (homeschooled, well disciplined and taught to be responsible) and I have two grandchildren who are being raised in a much more lieant home to say the least. Those two are into everything and I shutter to think at the times they have missed getting hurt seriously.

Now after raising mine, and it seemed like everyone else's children we bought our dream home years ago and I decorated it for us, not so it would be childproof. Nice furniture, carpeting and things that break like the Seraphim Angels, statues of fairies, and expensive one of a kind dolls among other things.

I did not decorate with children in mind.I was careful of certain things of course having grandchildren (like sharp corners on furniture and carpeting the stairs)but I feel that they should be taught when in other people's homes they should respect their guests belongings, learn to look, not touch, and nothing should be put away just because a child walks in the house.

To me that is early teaching of responsibility. Well, my daughter's hubby didn't want to visit here because he had to *actually* watch my grandchildren and not let them get into everything I had sitting out. So they don't want to visit here. Their choice. I love my grandchildren but I feel I raised mine and I deserve to have nice things and these kids should be taught to be respectful.

Personally I think children are the biggest responsibility of your life and if you aren't damn well ready to teach them responsibility and their place in this world you shouldn't have them.

And if someone chooses not to have them, and someone persists that they should, I'd say "stay out of my life". "You don't have to be pregnant, lose your figure, give up all your free time, every penny you earn to raise kids who may or may not appreciate and love you back after giving up your life and freedom for them. "

My biggest pet peeve is old men having children with young women. Those children will probably never know their fathers and to me that isn't fair to anyone.

Now I know fathers can die early, as mine was killed when I was 13 and the snow plow he was driving was hit by a train. But why get a woman pregnant at 70 years old knowing full well you will probably never see that child graduate middle school let alone college or get married and be a grandparent? JM 2cents worth. But like everything if that is what they want they have to raise the kids.

I totally agree with you that people should decide for themselves on this very important topic, and others stay out of their lives.

Hugs, Christina

I followed your link and read Prudie's reply. Unbelievable. Apparently life choices are nobody else's business unless it a choice not to have kids, in which case it's perfectly acceptable to nag, cajole, and generally trample propriety. Because a person not having children is somehow robbing somebody, somewhere, and needs a prim lecture. Revolting.