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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon
vasaris
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March 2014
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Vasaris, the Fuzzy Dragon [userpic]
Scary, scary things on Childfree.

Dunno if y'all have seen this, as it all begins with a man whining about his toddler on Salon.com.

The kid bites.

The author of this... article... expects the reader to feel sympathy for him because, hey, his toddler bites other children -- a lot -- and has, oh, woe, been expelled from pre-school for it.

Woe.

Agony.

Asshole.

The kid obviously has some problems, problems that the parent has tried to use reason (which is notoriously effective in dealing with children under the age of five) and rewards for acceptable behavior. I'm not a parent myself, but personally I'm of the opinion that punishment for bad behavior is more appropriate, but... whatever.

Pollack's blaming the school for not dealing with the problem adequately, instead of looking to his own culpability in the behavior of his child. 'They should have behavioral specialists! People who know what to do in this situation!'

...dude, while I don't disagree that it would be an excellent thing if this were so, you need to be consulting the specialists and doing whatever is necessary to help your child. Fifty dollars a month is not going to buy you a child psychologist. In case you haven't noticed, it doesn't even pay someone at minimum wage for more than a day or two.

Get over yourself.

It may be that the author is otherwise a good parent, but frankly his attitude doesn't come across that way. OMG, I write in the corner of the living room where the diaper bag lives! OMG, my wife hardly has time to paint! OMG, we just wanted him out of the way for eight hours a day, is that too much to ask?

.... yes ....

Prat.

Understandably, numerous people write in to salon saying, in effect, parent is both a noun and a verb, to be one you really need to do the other.

Moron.

Several people give advice (quite a lot of it in the 'spank the little monster' vein), give suggestions of books to read and possible resources to exploit... and the response?

A commentator on feministe in which the to oozes sympathy for Pollack's attitude?

...oh, and the replies at salon were obviously people just being bitter, for cryin' out loud.

The Pollack article oozes, nay drips with Pollack's 'pity me, I don't want to deal with this shit' attitude. Do I feel sorry for him that he's got this problem? Maybe a bit, since no one really expects their kid to up and start chomping on others, but how the author of the feministe article can so thoroughly miss the point of the 'you're the parent, moron' statements is beyond me.

Indeed, her attitude of 'well, sometimes I don't like my kids either' is pretty damn frightening. Not because she has moments of not liking her child/children, but because sympathy for not liking one's child at some particular moment of misbehavior (or whatever) completely obliterates the fact that the kid in question has a severe behavioral disorder that the 'parent' is just wishing would go away instead of trying to do something constructive about it.

Pollack's article isn't so much about how he doesn't like his child, it's about how he doesn't know what to do with the little monster and blames the school (you know, a paid institution which also has the welfare of other children to consider, although Pollack obviously thinks they're just lazy jerks) and OMG, what is he going to do now, what with having the child underfoot, both parents working out of the home, and all.

There are people who would kill to be in a situation where they could workably care for their child at home.

*shakes head*

In any case, in light of the study about children being expelled from preschools (I'm too lazy to look up a link), Pollack argues that his child is a victim of this and economic circumstance. Like many others, I'd argue that he is the victim of his own parenting and self-interest/involvement.

He recognizes that his child has behavioral issues similar to his own. He recognizes that until they found appropriate meds, his own behavior has been an issue. He is unwilling to beg/borrow/steal the money necessary to either a) have his child evaluated, which, if there's a genetic history of mental illness, might be a good idea, b) get his family therapy, or c) pony up for an occasional babysitter to give himself and his wife breathing room. All of these things my mother, as a single parent, would have done without hesitation out of love for me and concern for others.

He gets absolutely no points from me for his complete lack of empathy for the children who were bitten, losing many for his rather blase treatment of seeing the little girl his son had assaulted. How could he see a scabbing over wound and not think his child deserved the expulsion he received.

The mind boggles.

Where do these people *get* this sense of entitlement? Why do they think that their child is somehow exempt from social mores? How can he not understand that the horror that he felt when his charming little tyke bit his wife is undoubtedly a pale reflection of the outrage and disgust every other parent in his child's preschool must have felt when they saw human bites on their kids?

Scary. Just. Plain. Scary.

Current Mood: confusedastonished
Current Music: Sons of Somerled, Steve McDonald
Comments
Holy shit!

The link you gave doesn't work, but I read the bits you substituted, and wow! This guy sounds like a class A jack ass to me. There are just too damn many of these parents running around the world today, and if I hear one more bitchy remark about how hard it is to raise kids today, I think I shall puke. Mom is Korean, and barely knew enough English to communicate effectively with anyone, but she learned it by watching the same kids shows I watched when I was growing up, because she knew it was her social responsibility to do so. She is the wife of a military man who was gone much of the time, so she raised two girls, one of whom is blind, yeah, that's me, all by herself half the time. And, oh yeah, she also worked full time until March of 1986, when she fell into a bathtub while cleaning out one of the rooms of the five star hotel where she worked and nearly broke her back.

Re: Holy shit!

The link just seems to have an extra " at the end of it and if you delete it you can read the article. Although I couldn't get all the way through it because of the author's sense of entitlement. UGH

Re: Holy shit!

I nearly didn't go to the second page but there was that whole trainwreck thing going on, so I had to finish it. Scary, scary, scary.

What really, really gets me is that he's got no understanding of why they'd have to remove his child, he's all... my baby's just a baby and I'm thinking, yeah, and so are the kids he's assaulting you jerk.

I had fun with the letters. I should put up the link for those, too.

Re: Holy shit!

This is exactly why I don't want kids. I'm terrified I'd be like this asswipe. LOL

Re: Holy shit!

Ooops. Fixed. And yeah, the guy is scary.

Kudos to your mom, too.


I didn't get to read the whole article but I get the gist of the story.

I've had experience with biters.

My youngest brother was a biter. He would bite anyone within range of those tiny pearly white baby teeth. One day as my Dad held him he bit my Dad on the neck. My Dad in frustration bit him back. Not hard enough to cut through his skin but hard enough to let him know it hurt!
My brother never bit anoher person after that.

When we cared for foster children we had a set of twin girls. One was always biting the other and hard! Her sister cried after being bitten but it wasn't until finally she bit her sister back that her sister quit biting.

I have no sympathy for those parents allowing their child to continually bite other children. They should have either gotten help ( at their own expense)for that child or taken him out of daycare to protect the other children. Obviously they don't care for their child or others if they allowed this to happen for over a month, because not only did it hurt the other children but that child now does not get to interact with other children.

The parents only concern it seems is that they should have 8 hours a day to themselves, did they not think this through before having the child?

I can see that parents need to work, or just need a break once and awhile. But to place the responsibility of their child's problems on others is just plain wrong.

I wonder how sympathethic the parents would have been if they were the receipants of those daily bitngs? Or maybe they were and that's the real reason they had the kid in day care? To have someone else control him and hoped the day care would reign in that child's bad behavior.

This is only the tip of the iceburg out there in parenting land. A land where so many propagate and feel the village should then raise the child. And society pays the price.

JMHO
Christina

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. AND totally lacking in empathy (that's the scary part, as vasaris has said--this is borderline sociopathy, the ME is all-important and the pain and suffering of others is of no account).

Given the man's attitude, if his son was the one being bitten I'd wager almost any odds that he would have whipped out a lawyer and shaken him at the school, the parents, and the individual teachers... (ewww, now there's a mental image, *surreptitiously wipes hands at the thought of touching a lawyer freshly, uh, whipped out*)

I firmly believe the adage that it takes a village to raise a child -- I believe that every adult should be concerned with correcting behavior and giving praise for the children they run across, which is why every child under a certain age in my store is greeted by 'hi beautiful/handsome/gorgeous. How are you? How was school?' accompanied by 'No running in the store, don't bounce balls in here, and whining is an extremely unattractive trait in a beautiful young lady/handsome young man.'

I'm an adult in my society, in my view it's part of the definition of being a 'grown up' to help provide children with boundaries so they know what appropriate behavior is between themselves and family/friends/strangers.

On the other hand, it's also not my job to babysit someone else's kids when they're in my store. I am not the parent. I will back a parent up to the hilt, take candy that the parent did not intend to buy off of the counter (repeatedly, even) and by actions and words demonstrate that a child's behavior is unacceptable -- but if they're causing a ruckus, I will find mom/dad and have them remove their child from the premises. It is *their* job to keep control of their kids, not mine.

*sighs*

This guy, unfortunately, strikes me as what those on childfree often call a Breeder Not Parent -- please pop 'em out, but why should I take responsibility for it? It's the school's fault for not teaching my kid, because it's not my job to do it... He makes me think of all the little girls out there who get pregnant because they want someone to love them, without realizing that for quite a while a baby does little more than eat, sleep, and land bodily waste in its diaper. I'm not saying that this stage lasts forever, but it certainly lasts long enough that an immature person will get fed up with it before it gets better.

...and that's what this guy is, really. He wants to have it all, kid, career, etc, without realizing that kid immediately means that sacrifices will be made, in time, money, marriage and sanity. If he manages to do his job right, he'll also end up with one of the greatest gifts the universe gives... but he's got to do the job he's chosen.